WORRIED

My best friend has been posting posts that have really worried me. I tell her all the time if she has a problem to call me. I will always listen to what she has to say the yesterday she was really upset and now I'm really worried because she hasn't posted or got on windows live messenger. She is a big part of what holds me together. As I type this I'm in tears because i don't know if she is ok. I stayed home today because i knew that i would not have been able to concentrate at all on my school work so I said i was sick witch was kinda true. I was sick I felt like throwing up because I don't know if she is ok. If she left this world I would follow right after her. I would not be able to go on knowing I could no longer talk to her or see her. I care about her so much. But It's hard to say it to her face. I sometimes feel like an idiot when I'm around her i get so embarrassed of some of the things i say.Sometimes I hate myself for caring about my friends so much because it eats from the inside out when a friend is in trouble or really sad.Sam I hope I will see at school tomorrow.Well I'm going to try to sleep but most likely won't have much luck well bye bye.

PLEASE CALL

Sam if u ever have a problem just call me i will always listen to u like u listen to me well got to go bye bye

Totally And Unbeliveably Bored

well as u can tell by my title i am really really really really bored im so bored idk wut to do ive been on the copmuter forever and nobody has signed into windows live messenger dklfjlkdsflkdsfldskflksdjflkdsj so friggin bored well got to go trying to find somthing to do on the computer bye bye

Rocks

Well i just back from shoveling rock only took like 5 hours of shoveling rocks. but o well i got 20bucks out of it so its all good well thats about it for now so bye bye

Another Boring Weekend

Well here comes another boring weekend for me nothing to but sit on my computer all weekend listening to music or waiting for people to get on windows live and chat but i have some good news ive been felling alot better both mentaly and physicly or how ever u spell it. im now kinda really looking forward to my birthday (not going to post the date only my friends need to know that) but anyway i guess thats about it so bye bye

Pimped Out

Well how do u like my new blog look just got done Pimpin It out Only took me half an hour to get it to look good i even used photoshop for my blog title

OK DAY

Taday was an ok day it was kinda boring I had to walk aroung the whole school with my friends just to find a class that would take us in u see our teacher was testing so we had to find another class to go to but all n all i guess it was an ok i wish i could type more but i dont have anything to talk about right now so bye bye

Im Back

i just back from therapy it went better than i expected of corse there was alot of crying mostly from from me but anyway i know this isnt goingto get better right away but thats the way this stuff works but i know i have lots of support from my family and lots and lots of support from my best best friend sam if it wasnt for her i might not be writing this post today well i got to go so bye bye

THERAPY

well tomorrow after school i start therapy im kinda scared but its for the best. but one good thing about it is i know my therapist his name is bob i was seeing him for a while before this he will be shocked that im coming to see him for depression because i was hiding it so well but it was just killing me from the inside out and the yesterday night i was gonna kill myself but thought about for a really long time thats y ididnt get any sleep and was falling asleep during my test of corse depressoin makes people tired anyway so yeah i wouldnt have done this if it wasnt for my best friend sam these past few months weve become really close wel i got to go i have a long day ahead of me tomorrow so i guess its bye bye until tommorow i will post how everything went so bye bye

Alive

Well i made a REALLY HARD CHOICE IM STILL HERE ON THIS PLANET!! I AM CHOSING TO DEFINANTLY GO THROUGH THERAPY I NEVER WOULD HAVE DONE IT IF IT WASNT FOR SAM MY BEST FRIEND I LOVE HER FOREVER AND ALWAYS =)

HATE

MY BEST FRIEND RYAN IS NO LONGER ABLE TO SEE ME ANY MORE!! HE AND HIS MOM HAD A REALLY BIG FIGHT.!!!!!! I HAD TO WITNESS HIS OWN MOM STRIKE HIM REPETEDLY AND IM NOT ALOUD TO SEE HIM EVER AGAIN BECAUSE SHE SAID WHEN EVER HE COMES BACK HIME FROM MY HOUSE HES ALL GRUMPY AND THAT ISNT THE CASE AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!! ITS REALLY THE OPPOSITE WHEN HE COMES OVER TO MY HOUSE ITS TO GET AWAY FROM ALL THE CRAP AT HIS HOUSE AND NOW ILL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN!!!!!!!! EVERY ONE WILL BE REALLY LUCKY IF MAKE TO SCHOOL OR EVEN WAKE UP I JUST FEEL LIKE DYING I KNOW MY OTHER FRIEND IS BEGGING ME STAY ALIVE BUT I DONT KNOW IF THATS POSSIBLE NOW!!!! I LOVE HER WITH ALL MY HEART BUT ITS REALLY HARD TO KEEP ON LIVING!!!!!! I LOVE U SAM IF U SEE TOMMAROW UR REALLY LUCKY I LOVE U BYE BYE FOREVER

Love

I HAVE 2 REALLY GOOD FRIENDS AND THE ARE GOING THROUGH HELL AND THEY DONT DESERVE IT THEY ARE REALLY GOOD PEOPLE IT REALLY MAKES ME SO ANGRY THAT LIFE THROWS THEM ALL THIS CRAP!!!!!!!!!! MAN THIS PISSES ME ME OFF THAT THESE GOOD PEOPLE HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS CRAP. DAMN IT I HATE IT HOW REALLY GOOD PEOPLE ARE HAVEING TO GO THROUGH THIS SHIT WHY CANT ALL OF THIS BE PUT ON SOMEONE EVIL IT MAKES NO SENCE THAT GOOD PEOPLE GO THROUGH THE WORST SHIT IT MAKES ME SO DAMN MAD I HATE READING POSTS THAT ARE BAD FROM GOOD PEOPLE LIKE MY FRIENDS I COULD SIT HERE ALL DAY AND TYPE HOW ANGRY I AM BUT THATS PROBABLY NOT THE BEST THING FOR ME TO DO CONSIDERING MY SITUATION I LOVE U AND HOW U GUYS CARE FOR ME I LOVE U BOTH THANKS FOR BEING THERE FOR ME IT JUST MAKES ME MAD THAT U GUYS GO THROUGH ALL THIS CRAP AND UR SUCH GREAT PEOPLE WELL BYE BYE

Mohawk Yay

WELL YESTURDAY I GOT MY MOHAWK YAY IT LOOKS COOL I HAD TO GET THIS REALLY EXSPENSIVE HAIR GEL BUT O WELL BYE BYE

No More

The past few months ive really been stiff and on some days like today just hurting all over im pretty sure its all of the stress brung up by the depression i came home early i didnt even go to the first period of the day ive been sleeping like all day i just woke up i remember having a violent dream but cant remember wut it was all about if i keep going on like this without help i feel im going to burn out before im like 20 years old. Today i just felt so crummy ive been thinking of getting help only because one of my closest friends wants me too but im not sure how my parents will react but the thing is i need this help or i could end dying my body cant take this anymore. the thing is theres never "the right time" to tell someone that u want to die especaily ur parents well got to go i really shouldnt even be one my computer right now so bye bye

Better

Well today was a good day i guess better than most days i dont really know wut makes this day better but it just seemed better

Sick

well today i felt so bad i said i was sick so i could stay home im really still in my sleep clothes im kinda dredding going to school tommorowbut i have too

Feeling Down

for the past like year i have been depressed. only 2 of my closest friends know my own parents dont even know. i think of dying like every day. its really hard to concentrate on school work and its just been real hard its like when im at school i look totaly fine but when i go in my room by myself its like a huge meltdown music used to help now nothing really helps its really frusrtating my birthday is coming up and its like wow this thing again i dont even care anymore its been really hard not to cry when im around my parents u would never expect a kid like me to be like this u see me walking around school and u would never guess im this way i know my parents love me and it would kill them to see my dead in my room one day but at the same time i dont really care its like wut the hell is my problem my friend ryan is really worried about me all the time we have only been friends for a year but were hella close this may seem like im just going on and on but talking and typing my feelings makes it a little better well bye bye

Mohawk

Im really excited because this saturday im for sure getting my mohawk yay